After my first miscarriage in December of 2006, I was disappointed, angry, and scared.
I was disappointed that the baby we had conceived would never be born. I was angry that there was nothing I could do about it. I was scared that it would happen again.
Yet, I was hopeful that the next time I got pregnant I would carry and deliver a healthy baby.
I took a pregnancy test on April 5, 2007 and it was positive. I was excited, but guarded with my excitement because I was fearful that it would end the same way my last pregnancy did.
I called my doctor and scheduled an appointment for Wednesday, April 25.
I was so happy and hopeful when I made it to my appointment without any complications. They confirmed that I was pregnant and that things were progressing normally. I was still guarded, but my hopes were beginning to rise.
Until the next morning when I had some spotting. I called my doctor and they said it could simply be from the exam I had the previous day. They wanted me to go for blood work and an ultrasound on Monday, the 30th.
The ultrasound confirmed that I lost this baby too.
The ultrasound technician and the doctor were kind and sympathetic. Again the doctor advised that I should wait a month before trying again.
All I could think was, why?!? What am I doing wrong? Am I causing these miscarriages? Are we not meant to have any more children?
I was so grateful to have my son to focus on because without him I could have easily been totally consumed by my thoughts and my self-blame.
If you are going through the heartbreak of miscarriage and would like to chat with someone who knows what you are going through, please leave your email address in the comments and I will contact you.
If you missed the first two posts of this series, please click the links below.