As I sit here in a quiet house at 10:10 am on a Thursday morning, I can’t help but feel nostalgic. The house is quiet because for the first time I have three children in school (4th grade, kindergarten and preschool) and my youngest is napping.
I’m wondering where the last nine years have gone. It feels like just yesterday that I brought each one home from the hospital, yet it also feels like we’ve been a family of six forever.
I’m thinking about all of the wonderful fun we’ve had and all of the painful moments we’ve shared.
I wouldn’t change a thing about our family. Nothing. My kids drive me crazy sometimes. Okay quite often. But I wouldn’t trade any of them in for anything in the world!
However, I can’t help but wonder what our family would look like if I had known then what I know now.
I’ve had six miscarriages. Yes, you read that correctly, SIX.
Each lost baby holds a special place in my heart. Even to this day, I still mourn each loss.
I’ve been looking for a way to honor them for years and I think I’ve finally found it. Over the next six weeks, I’m going to share their stories here on my blog regardless of how short that story may be. (I will also share my pregnancy and birth stories of each of my children over the course of the next year around their birthdays.)
Their stories are part of my story. They have shaped me into who I am today. I strongly believe that everything that happens in life happens for a reason. These lost babies help to remind me how precious my four children are. They are a blessing, a gift, a miracle.
I hope that their stories will let other women who have suffered a miscarriage know that they are not alone. I felt that way with each loss. My husband was there by my side, but as much as he tried to understand he just couldn’t. He didn’t know what it felt like to know that a person was growing inside you. He didn’t know what it felt like to think that you are somehow responsible for the loss.
If you’ve had a miscarriage and are comfortable sharing, please comment below. I would love to hear your story. If you know someone else that has felt the loss of miscarriage, please share this with them so that they know they are not alone.